u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
