All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
