I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
