The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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