Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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