..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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