your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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