that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You ruined the universe
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
