I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
