How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize