that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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