Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
