You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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