Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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