My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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