he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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