I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
