I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
