so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
