so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
