all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
