I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
