I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
