Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
