i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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