Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
