I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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