enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
