I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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