At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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