I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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