So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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