Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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