birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
