Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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