Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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