Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
