Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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