i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
