remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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