I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can I color on your dick again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
