I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
