i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
