I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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