Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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