Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
