Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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