Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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