Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
honey bunches of taint.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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