I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
