it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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