When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I still have a little drunk in my system
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
