Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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