Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
