Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
