Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i think i just lost a toe
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize