In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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