The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
