hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize