New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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