Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
