I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize