We need to rekindle our bromance
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
