I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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