I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
