Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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