my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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