those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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