can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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